Sex begins with...a joke!

Baby, please, come back! It was just a joke!

That was not a joke!

It is just a game, you know that! I was just joking!

But not about my size!

It was about men's size, in general...Come on, you know how much I love your cock.

So now it is not too big for you?

No! This is every girl's dream, how could I want something smaller? Come on, don't be silly. It's your turn to say a joke.

You know what a penis says to a condom?

No, what?

Cover me, I'm going in!

(laughing) That's a good one. More!

So, do you want to hear a joke about my dick?

Yes!

Never mind, it is too LONG.

Oh, yeah? Do you want to hear a joke about my pussy?

Let's hear it.

Never mind, you won't get it!

You naughty human being! I'll show you I can get it! Come here, I am going to fuck you so good! Oh, yeah, you will be begging me to slow down!

See what Melinda, an Edinburgh escort, has to say about her job.

The great air adventure

Joanna is awake again

Every day is a new hunt

Is there anyone crazier than her?

Yes it is, her sexy aunt!

A short frightening visit to Spain

At her aunt's seventh wedding

Supposes travelling by the plane

Where many naughty things can happen

A hot flight attendant passes by

Awakening Joanna's wild instincts

Two huge libidos and a powerful chemistry

Will turn them both into cunning linguists!

Don't miss 'The Confessions of a Nymphomaniac - Chapter 9' and find out what Joanna did on a plane, on her way to Spain.

Do you also cheat?

Loyalty is an important aspect in most of the relationships. Although nowadays couples go for a more modern lifestyle, there still are some traditional standards and moral values that people care about, such as being faithful in a relationship. 

Statistics show that the number of people who cheat on their partner increased dramatically in the last decade, as well as the number of people who engage in 'open relationships'. Infidelity, though, remains the main reason why people breakup or divorce.

One day, somebody knocks at Gabriela's door. 

'Do you have a vagina?', the stranger asks.

She slams the doors and says to herself that the world is falling apart. She starts thinking about how lucky she is for having such a respectful husband by her side.The next day, somebody knocks at the door again. She goes to see who it is, and surprise! It is the same man.

'Do you have a vagina?'

'Go to hell, you idiot!', she replies angry and scared at the same time.

When her husband arrives home from work, she tells him everything that happened. Her husband gets really angry and decides to take a day off, in case the crazy man will come again. The next day, they hear someone knocking at the door. They both rush to see who it is. The peephole reveals the same man from the other days.

'Quick, say YES when he asks you about the vagina. I want to see what he is going to say next and kick his ass!', he says hiding behind the door.

His wife swallows heavy and follows his indications.

'Do you have a vagina?'

'Yes, I do'

'Then tell your fucking husband that he can start using yours instead of my wife's one!'

This is among the best jokes someone ever told me. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did J

Love, Ann Lee

Even angels can end up falling

Sometimes life hits you hard when you least expect it. Today you might live in a pink universe, while tomorrow, your world might easily turn black. Shouldn't the transition be first made to grey, and afterwards to black? It probably should. But life is often extreme; whether it gives you too much, whether it takes everything from you. This is unfortunately a lesson that people learn too late.

This is also Allysa's case. She went from having everything, beauty, health, a prosper career and a respectful husband, to having nothing. In only one day, she got fired from the company where she had been working for, for more than a decade, her husband dumped her.

But Jack, what happened? I thought we were ok...

I just don't love you anymore, Allysa, sorry.

How can you simply STOP loving someone just by snapping your fingers?

It happened in time.

You have someone else...tell me!

Uh, that's not it, I told you ten times! Enough...I don't want to have this conversation anymore.

Jack walks out the door and leaves her drowning in tears. Just when she thought things could not get worse than that, at the end of the day, she finds out that she has terminal cancer. Her desperate screams are left without an answer. She cannot change anything, no matter how much she wishes to wake up from this burning nightmare.

She falls down. With her last strengths, she tries to get up, saying herself:

Get up! You are stronger than you thought! Even angels can end up falling...

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right."

Henry Ford

Find out which is The Best Way to Date Someone!

Do you turn off the lights during sex?

Why do some couples turn off the lights before sex? Is blind sex, when you cannot see anything, more arousing or is it a matter of shame and self-confidence? For some, having sex with the lights off is more romantic, while for others, the most arousing experience is with the lights on, when they can see everything that happens. This justifies the fantasy some couples have, of watching themselves in the mirror during sex.

The question reminds me of a story told by one of my friends. Jenny and Henry have been married for almost 20 years. They have always been appreciated and envied by their friends, setting an example of perfect relationship. However, something was weighting heavy on Jenny's heart. Every time she had sex with Henry, he would turn off the lights first. She realized that after 20 years of marriage, she has never seen her husband's cock. This was so frustrating!

One night, Jenny decides to find out what is going on. She gets naked and initiates a hot sex intercourse.

Sorry honey but I have a terrible headache, he says.

I really want you tonight, Henri. I will make you forget about your headache, I promise!

I'll go to the bathroom first. Until then, turn off the lights.

This was the typical scenario. Every time they wanted to get laid, Henri would go to the bathroom first and ask her to turn off the lights. However, this time Jenna was determined to find out what happens with her husband.

Maybe he is frustrated about his size...Or maybe his dick looks bad...Or he might have one testicle way bigger than the other, she says to herself.

After she turns off the lights, Henri comes in and starts kissing her. This was the right time. Jenny turns on the lamp. She is shocked!

What?! Why are you holding a fucking dildo?

Henri gets scared and throws the dildo.on the floor.

You fucking impotent, explain to me all this!, she yells angry.

As soon as you explain to me the three kids, you fucking bitch!

Hmm, do you also turn off the lights during sex?

Inspired by 'What does she/he wants from me?!'

Ten Truths About Women's Sexuality

Hope you like the video I've made, about Women's Sexuality!

Any feedback is highly appreciated.

Love, Ann Lee

Be mine tonight!

Laying on the sofa, looking at her tits

Breathing heavy while touching the clit

Of a hot blonde girl, with a tight pussy

Afraid of being caught by her boyfriend

So, Joanna must be pushy!

'Come on now, he will never know

That you and I were the main characters

Of an arousing show

He'll never find out that you're gender-queer

So let's fuck', she whispers at her ear.

Karina lies still while Joanna rubs her clit

Tempted by Joanna's kissable lips

She can't resist anymore and lets herself go

But life never goes as planned, so guess who might come

It is Karina's boyfriend... Join us for a threesome?

Inspired by 'The Confessions of a Nymphomaniac - Chapter 8'. If you like it, please leave a comment below.

Oh, come on now!

Did you know there are some magical tricks to improve our everyday life? Today you will be revealed the secret to the eternal youth and a carefree life. Oh, come on now! It sounds impossible to you, doesn't it? Well, find out that it's not! Scientists revealed a couple of things that keep us younger and make us happier. You just have to follow these simple rules.

1.      A dose of laughter

The recipe to eternal youth is simple: smile as often as possible and take a dose of good laughter each day. Having a good mood each day will surely extend your life expectancy. Your productivity along the day is also improved if you keep yourself positive, and even that of the people hearing your laughter. Do you want to make the world you live in a better place? You just gotta laugh!

2.       Be smart, be active!

There is no doubt that making sports, being active and living a healthy lifestyle keep us younger. If you work in an office and you are forced to seat on a chair in front of the computer every day, you need sports even more! Try to combine the sedentary part of your life with a more active one, by adding some physical activities to your daily schedule, such as: running in the morning, going to the gym or simply walking fast for an hour after work; even taking the stairs instead of the elevator will do it.

3.      Stressing for nothing

Have you ever heard the quote "don't stress, do your best, forget the rest"? If not, it was about time! Stressing all the time over different things is the first thing that drastically damages your health and makes you look and feel older. Whether you failed an exam at math, your boss kicked you out of the company or a furious tornado starts right in front of you, take it easy! You might pass the next exam, find another job and get out of tornado's way, but you might never get a second chance when it comes to your health!

4.      Getting attached

Now this is an advice coming from a person who already did this mistake: never get too attached to anything and anyone. This does not mean you have to renounce at your hobbies or stop loving the person you are with, but always keep in mind that anything can happen in life, so that you won't be too disappointed if something bad happens and all your expectations fall apart.

5.      The tongueless brain

The voice each of us hears in the head is sometimes the consequence of our actions, supposing that we, as adults, think before we act. Who is the voice inside of your head? It is your twin brother that people can't meet, unless you permit them to. The way our thoughts affects us and the entire universe has been proved many times, by different scientist.

One of the studies made to discover how the power of thoughts affect everything around us implied two casseroles of rice, cooked in the same pot. On one of them they wrote "I love you" and on the other one they wrote "I hate you". What do you think it happened after a short period of leaving them in the same room? Not only that the casserole on which they wrote 'I hate you' got moldy, but the other one on which it was wrote the opposite message, the grain of rice structure, as seen at the microscope, was visibly improved.

So, laugh hard, be active, don't stress out for anything, never get too attached, remain calm and think positively all the time! This is why some people look younger and live longer than others.

Take it slow!

Feeling trapped in a cage? It means you are missing life's most important aspects! It means you have been so worried to earn money, to have a decent job and to follow the norms, that you have forgotten how to breathe! Life is more than that...Life must be lived! 

Life is love, passion and a bit of romance; it's about feeling charged, as well as about feeling released. Life is made up of minuses and pluses, cold and hot, black and white. It depends on you on what side of the edge you want to situate your life. But let me give you a hint; What use conforming to little, to the state of misery and unhappiness, if you are 100% sure that everyone deserves a chance to be happy?

Feeling tensed? It means you have been focused too much on the least important things in your life. If you take a look around, you will see that nothing is as important as it seems to be. Look at the stars at night. Do you see how bright they shine? They do it so that you won't lose your faith in the power of the universe. Health, human relationships, dignity - among all the things that bring stress into your life, these are perhaps the only ones you should worry about.

Feeling happy? It means you're there! You got the whole point of living!

It means that you understood that life goes on no matter how many situations put an end to it!

It means that someone took you to places you have never been and made you feel sensations you have never felt!

It also means that during the long journey you took since you were born, you picked up from the road the most important ingredients for success!

If you are really happy, don't let anyone ruin your happiness!

Get up and start over again!

There are times when people won't stop putting you down. If they put you down enough, you might never have the chance to get up again. Why? Because you lack self-confidence and motivation. You are ugly! You are stupid! You are unworthy! Painful words...How could anyone maintain his/her confidence, when constantly hearing such insults and negative thoughts? How can anyone still wait for the sun-rays  when malicious rain clouds hang over his/her head? If you forgot how valuable you are, keep in mind these things and you will manage to pass more easily through life's storms.

YOU ARE WORTHY BECAUSE:

o   You are not of afraid of crying when something hurts you

o   You take risks and assume the consequences of your own decisions, whether you fail or succeed

o   You are brave enough to make changes and leave everything bad behind

o   You have the power to smile even when your heart cries

o   You take life neither as a battlefield, nor as a fairytale

o   You keep your soul warm, regardless of how much ice others put on it

o   You are worthy, because no matter how many people will put you down, you will always try to get up and start over again.

    Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come! - Robert H. Schuller 

Sooner or later?

It's funny how life turns out the way you would have never imagined. When we are little, we believe we can do everything. Nothing seems too complicated, because we know the Universe will always help us succeed. We start defining our personality, as well as setting goals. Why do we all need setting goals? Well, because life is nothing but a complex map, while goals represent the waypoints. Taking such a long trip without following the path or getting directions would have the same painful consequence: getting lost.

As we grow up, we become less aware of goals' importance in our lives, and we turn into obedient robots, ruled by monotony and routine. It's not that bad, because we get used to it. Since everybody does the same thing, it means it's normal. Normal....what a dangerous word! Who actually sets the boundaries of normality? We all do, you would say. Yes, but who is "we"? It is you, them or me? Perhaps nobody, or probably everyone. Anyway, trying hard to find our way to normality is the moment when each of our dreams start fading away like falling stars, resigned to their fate.

This is not Lyanna's case. She has always been an incurable dreamer, though she is not a child anymore. She had two dreams: becoming a lawyer and getting married to a great man. The first dream came true through hard work, devotion and ambitions. The second one is about to come true, as Tom tells Lyanna that he has something very important to tell to her. They have been dating for five years, so Lyanna thinks it is something important, as he sees Tom very nervous about this date. She knows it won't be just 'an ordinary' dinner.

Jenny? It's me Lyanna! I called you because I am very excited!

Hey, Lyanna, what happened? You are so happy that I can see it in your voice!

Well, it didn't happen yet, but...It is about to happen! Tom is going to propose tonight.

Really? Wow, congratulations then! I am so happy for you. Did he tell about this surprise, or how did you find out?

No, he invited me for dinner, saying that he has something very important to tell me. He acted very weird the entire day. I am so nervous...

Lyanna has never been as happy as today. Before meeting Tom, she looks at the sky and thanks the Universe for helping her achieve everything she wanted. She can't wait to marry Tom, have children and form a family!

            Hi, honey. How are you?

            Hi...I was here, waiting for you.

            Well, here I am. I'm dying to hear what you want to tell me, she says drinking water, to calm down her nerves.

            Don't you want to eat first?

            I don't know if I can wait until then...Couldn't you tell me now?

            Okay...Lyanna...here goes nothing...I think I am gay!

Lyanna drops the glass of water on the floor.

            You deserve me to be honest with you. I just hope someday you will find the power to forgive me.

Her eyes start drowning in tears. She swallows hard and stands up.

            Good-bye, Tom! Have a nice life.

After leaving the restaurant, she walks alone on the streets, and think about how unhappy she can be. She gets lost...She doesn't want to ask for directions, so she seats on a bench, and thinks about how something like this could happen to her. She stops on a bench, looks at the sky, cries and yells:

            You knew this was going to happen! Why didn't you stop me from dreaming today? Why did you nurture my hopes and made me thing he was going to propose? Why?!

Meanwhile, a star with an amazingly long tail is falling right in front of her. She has never seen such a phenomenon before, so she looks at it, on its short journey to Earth. The beautiful but extremely long tail makes her think about very long relationships and things that happen, sooner or later. For her, it was soon enough. That star was meant to fall that particular night, as she was meant to see it.

            Thank you...Now I understand everything, She says smiling, wiping her tears away and returning home.

So, what do you think Lyanna understood from this happening?

Put it on repeat!

She lives by her own rules, with nothing to regret

Each day is a nightmare if she can't have sex

Joanna is her name, and she's a sexy nympho

An unfaithful temptation married to a Dildo

The moment she walks by, each man turns his head

She'd like to fuck them all, but passes by instead

She might be a nympho, but she is proud and thorny

No one has access to her pussy, unless she is too horny

And horny - she is always, which means you have a chance

To conquer her wet universe, and enter in and out

You only have one chance, to turn on the heat

Oops! Look, she is cold again, so put it on repeat!

Read 'TheConfessions of a Nymphomaniac - Chapter 7'

Find her G-Spot!

How many times have you asked yourself what is that secret place, that drives a woman crazy? Is it her ears, her neck or much lower? Well guys, this is your lucky day, cause I am about to present to you the top 5 female erogenous zones. Read carefully, then try putting the theory into practice, and see the results!

1.      The butt

'A whiskey glass and a woman's ass are the downfall of many a good man' - Rick Chapman

Of course, all guys love looking behind women's back and admire their asses. Asses are everywhere around: on the TV, on the radio, on the first page of different magazines and on your mom's back! So, why ignoring them into the bedroom? If you were skeptical about this zone, find out that the butt is one of the most erogenous zones in a female. If turning her on is what you want, there is no greater zone than her ass.

2.      Her thighs

'We've going to bring back thighs. Enough of these size zeros. Thighs, and back fat, and over-the-belt fat, it's all got to come back again, and we're the ones to do it' - Nicole Appleton

I'm pretty sure you would have never imagined what an erogenous zone you have right in front of you. Her thighs are like an erogenous bomb, ready to explode, each time you kiss and touch them softly. Want to turn your girlfriend on? Now you know how!

3.      The back of her legs

'When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?' - Gilbert K. Chesterton

Okay, this one is difficult! Women love to be touched on the back of their legs, but it all depends on HOW you touch her. If you press her legs hard like a broken Iphone screen, the result could not be the expected one. Touch her slowly, like you are scared to touch her, without applying pressure. If she gets goose bumps, you got it!

4.      The small of the back

'Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap' - Crash Davis Bull Durham

Touching her small of the back not only makes her feel protected, but also makes her feel aroused, if you use your tongue to give her some long wet kisses. Once you get there, make sure you guide your mouth down, on her butt, or up, on her back. It's all up to you!

5.      The tummy

'What does kissing really mean to me? To me, if you feel, when you kiss a girl, that certain feeling of all those dolphins, like, swimming through your blood stream, and you get those good tingles inside your stomach, I don't think there's any better feeling' - Corey Haim

A nice toned stomach would make anyone crazy! But, do you think you know how to deal with a tummy in the bedroom? The tummy is a very sensitive zone, and one of the most erogenous zones in females. It starts with a simple tickle, and goes on with a great state of arousal.

Have you already tried these, guys? What's your most erogenous spot, girls?

I'd love to hear your opinion!

Do you see me? I'm right here!

I bring out the papers, but Jeffrey's empty look is still pointed to the window. I move the papers chaotically from one part to another, making them snap loud! But, in vain. Jeffrey seems to be in his own universe, where I don't belong.

As he seems so distracted, I manage to come up with a solution. Hope he will notice me this time. I stand up and let the pen fall.

Oh, I am so clumsy today! I say out loud, while bending down to lift the pen, in a very provocatively way.

I manage to plug him to reality once again and finally make him looking at me, but not in the way I wanted. He forces a smile, and looks straight through me. My head is the only place where I can call him Jeffrey, honey or sweetheart.

Where should I put these ones, Mr. Collins?

Leave them on my desk, his cold answer hits me like a stone.

Is there anything else I can do for you? I ask while putting my right hand over his left.

Jeffrey looks at our hands confused. He doesn't seem to understand why my face lightens up when I see him, why I blush when he looks more than a couple of seconds at me, why my eyes grow bigger when I see him with another woman.

Well, you could keep me some company today after work...I'd really need a friend to talk with.

Thank you, God, for listening to my prayers! I heard what he said: a friend to talk with. But the fact that he noticed me and decided to give me another role in his life, besides his boring secretary, gives me hope. I could not ask for more...

At their meeting, Jeffrey takes me to a nice bar right across the street.

This is the place where I first met her. His words cut my heart like a knife. I swallow hard and shake my head understandingly.

She was so beautiful, wearing a tiny red dress. All the men in the bar were staring at her. I offered to buy her a drink and she smiled to me and said: "Do I look like I can't buy myself a drink?"

My eyes are fighting against two teardrops, which seem to fall uncontrollably, while my heart breaks in million pieces. Maybe I rushed into thinking that he could really notice me, but I just didn't imagine that our first date will consist of him talking about...her. What a fool I've been!

Are you crying?

No...I think I've got something in my eyes.

He touches my chin and looks straight into my eyes. I breathe hard and look at him meekly, while my heart's beatings fasten by the second. Jeffrey comes close to me and kisses me softly.

My lips meet his for the first time, while he kisses my tears of pain away from my face. I try not to understand why he did this, and enjoy the sweet taste of his lips.

Conclusion? Never stop fighting for what you want. If getting someone's attention is what you want, make anything to let him/her know that you like him/her: dress sexy, catch his eye, flirt, or even kiss him/her, if this is what you feel.

For more useful tips, information and sex facts, click here. 

What is the craziest thing you did to make someone notice you?

Daddy's Naughty Girl

Honey, did you have breakfast?

Oh, I'm in a hurry so I'll just skip the breakfast.

Then take it with you to work.

It's ok, I'll just skip it.

But breakfast is the most important meal of the day!

Honey, I just won't eat breakfast today and that's it!

Don't give me the 'I don't eat breakfast today'. I want you healthy!

Sometimes you talk like my dad!

Well, from now on you can call me Daddy.

I throw my bag on the floor and push him against the wall.

This shirt is so tight! I say  taking it off wildly, while my hands provocatively go down to his cock. Does this make me a naughty girl?

No. This makes you MY naughty little girl! Come here, your job can wait. Your daddy can't!

Make me feel your love, Daddy!

May I hide under your shirt?

Mmm...Your shirt is so soft and comfy!

You like it?

I like the feeling of it on my hot skin.

Let me put my hand on your chest, to see if you have fever.

Shouldn't you check my forehead for fever?

No. Your chest is closer to the armpit, which is the safest spot to check for real fever.

So? Am I OK?

No. Your chest is burning like fire, your cheeks are red and warm, and your body is trembling. He says, while kneading my boobs.

What can we do, in this case?

He rushes in the kitchen and brings me some ice cubes, then unbuttons his shirt and places the ice on my hot skin, between my boobs, going down along my tummy.

I think the temperature is going down. I'm getting cold!

Good. Then I'll have to warm you up again, using my body. May I hide under your shirt?

It's all yours baby.

Wearing my boyfriend's shirt gives me one of the greatest feelings. I feel comfortable and sexy, and my boyfriend seems to appreciate my natural look.

'Some girls try too hard to get guys attentions by not wearing much clothes. When a girl dresses nicely with good taste it says that she has confidence and that she takes pride in her appearance' - Nick Jonas.

Do you girls like wearing your boyfriend's shirt to bed?

Do you guys find it sexy?

I'd love to hear your opinion!

Pray, eat, love!

'The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen' - Ralph Marston

She was sad and hopeless...The divorce drama has been the most painful chapter of her life. She has lost everything: her husband, her child, her job, the hope. Since then, she has forgotten how to smile, how to laugh, how to stay alive. All she could do was crying till throwing up...She was still alive, but her soul was long dead.

One night, she had a dream. She dreamed of God's hands, gently touching her face, holding her hands and telling her that everything would be all right soon. She wakes up in the morning, all alone, with tears in her eyes, disappointed because it was just a dream; a dream that seemed so real...

A couple of hours later, she was up and about again, she put some clothes on and went to the only place where she could find release. She went to Church and asked God to forgive her for longing for death for so long.

'Life is the most precious gift you've given me, God...Forgive me please'

She sat on her knees and prayed, while painful tears were falling from her eyes. One of the boys present, sitting in the back, noticed her. He felt so much compassion seeing her crying that he dares to come closer and to touch her shoulder.

            'Whatever saddens your heart so much, will make you a better person. Everything happens for a reason.'

At the end of the rite, she wipes off her tears, and seeks for the boy who tried to allay her sorrow. She founds him in the back of the Church, still praying. After thanking him for his words, she heads out of the Church, but he grabs her hand and says:

            'I was wondering...if you would like to go out for dinner tonight. I don't like eating alone'

As he holds her hands and looks at her with love and compassion, she suddenly remembers the dream when God was holding her hands, telling her that everything will be ok. Only then, she understands.

If you want your dreams to come true, first you have to wake up!

Findout what happened when Joanna, a nymphomaniac, decides to go to church for a confession.