A joke without punch-line

Seeing him so satisfied about his life makes me feel even more miserable.

My entire life, starting with my job, is a lame movie, and I am the worst protagonist.

'Henri'

'Yes, honey'

'Don't you ever get sick of your life, wishing you were someone else, in some other place, maybe with some other people?'

He looks at me both confused and disappointed. Of course he does not understand me, because he has a nice job - engineer, earns good money and he is fully respected by the people he works with.

And who am I? An insignificant salesperson, trying to convince people to buy products they don't even need, in order to satisfy my own needs.

'Are you telling me that you are unsatisfied with our life?'

'With my life, not our life. You already have everything you've ever wanted'

'All I ever wanted was you, and I am happy because I have you. I thought you wanted the same thing'

I turn my back on him, as he does not seem to understand me. Life is not only about love or relationships. The biggest frustrations usually appear in the professional life. I feel bad for envying my own husband, but this feeling is too strong to be denied.

'I don't want that...I want more!'

'A careful husband and a great child are not enough for you?'

'No, I want a great career, just like yours! I want to meet new people, to sign documents and to drink coffee with my coworkers!'

Henri looks down and starts packing his stuff. 'What on hell are you doing?'

'Giving you a chance to achieve what you want'

Seeing him and my child leave, makes me even more frustrated and confused. Am I a bad person for wanting more? Maybe not, but I simply cannot be thankful for small mercies.

Oh, God, what have I just done? The two persons I love are gone, because of me. Cold teardrops fall on my cheeks. My life turned into a joke with no punch line....

"You can't truly appreciate something, until it's gone"

Get ready, set, go!

When things just don't work the way you want, it means that maybe they are not meant to be. 

When someone has a dream, everybody around advises him/her to fight for his/her goals. But is it really worth fighting for something, although you have had no visible results over the years?

Don't fight, just work!

Isn’t "the fight" unworthy, when you lose precious time trying to achieve something (assuming you don't even need it), instead of enjoying the things you already have? At the end of the battle you will be tired, rather than happy.

There are, however, dreams and goals which worth 'losing' the time. Actually, if you are wise enough to know what goals you need to set, the time is not lost, but invested.

'Mom, I want to become a doctor'

'If you wish from the bottom of your heart, you will honey'

'I do, I really do!'

'If you keep motivated through the years, you will'

Abandon yourself to your feelings!

Motivation is perhaps the most important factor in achieving a goal. Without it, people would easily abandon the ship and give up their dreams. Each person's motivation is the reason why some succeed, while others fail.

'Why did you do it?!'

'Because I felt so'

You can achieve happiness, only if you first let yourself be happy. Don't be too harsh on yourself, you deserve the best! But can you handle the best?

Achieving your highest dreams can be hard, but not impossible. It is like a short runway with many obstacles. You need to overcome each difficulty, to enjoy the final prize. At the end of it, everyone will applause you.

Get ready, set, go!

You might want to find some things no one told you about sex!

Love is a broken zipper

Love is like an arrow to the heart. When Cupid strikes, there is nothing left to do but to fall in love.

Love is like coffee. A morning without it, is like a night without sleep.

Love is like the wind. It passes as fast as it comes, leaving you cold and confused.

'Baby, you make me feel so good'

'Shhht...'

'Your strong arms are my refuge'

'Shht...don't speak'

'My whole body trembles when you touch me like this'

'Shht, people will notice we are in the bathroom'

'I would like to be yours for an eternity, to be touched like this by you forever and to feel your love deep inside of me. What would you like?'

'I would like you to shut the f**k up, while I fix your broken zipper!'

Sometimes, love is everything you want it to be, unless you choose the bad time for it!

What she thinks while you perform oral sex on her

Guys, you must have wondered what was in her mind, when you went down on her.

You would be amazed to find out what women think while being orally pleased!

Here are five of the funniest things women think while receiving oral sex.

1. Ah, I just hope my pussy does not smell!

2. A little to the left...no, not there! Now to the right, that's it! Ah, not with the tongue!

3. I don't know what to cook anymore.

4. Did mom receive oral sex too??

5. Maybe if I moan, he'll think I like it.

6. I hope he does not want to kiss me after this...

7. I hope I haven't missed any pile of hair

8. Hmm, I wonder to how many girls he did this before.

9. Uh, I have to finish that project by tomorrow!

10. Does he even like what he's doing?!

The seventh orgasm

Whenever we think about the word "orgasm", a smile comes automatically on our face. Too much of anything is bad, but is this valid for orgasms?

Orgasms are never too much, some would say! Well, some doctors may have a different opinion.

Here are seven amazing things you certainly did not know about orgasms!

1. Seven orgasms

Although some women claim to have even up to 20 orgasms in a row, researches show that the maximum number of orgasm women can generally achieve in a row is seven.

2. Condoms don't affect the pleasure

Although you might have thought that condoms can decrease the level of pleasure during sex, women's arousal is not affected by them. As a matter of fact, they can even improve the quality of sex, as the partner no longer has to pull it out when he is worried about coming.

3. Happier in time

Scientists believe that orgasms get better with the age. The older you get, the easier you can achieve orgasms, they say. The intensity of orgasms also increases in time. Seventy percent of women state they experienced orgasm in their 40's and 50's.

4. Orgasm without stimulation

There are some rare cases when women can reach the climax without any genital stimulation. Some can climax during massages, reading a book or simply sitting on a bed. The explanations are that our thoughts increase the blood flow to the genitals and create a state of relaxation in the body.

5. Twenty minutes

It’s not a single reason to worry about if it takes some time until you climax. Most women need at least 15 - 20 minutes before orgasm. Even though it is a lot more than men need, it is perfectly normal.

6. Woman on top

According to a recent survey, this is the most preferred sexual position by women. By standing on top, women can control the movements better and reach the climax more easily.

7. The sad women

Some women claim not being able to reach vaginal orgasm, while for others it's harder to reach clitoral one. However, it looks like over thirty percent of women cannot reach the orgasm at all. Sad, isn't it?

If you liked this article, do not forget to follow me and comment. I'd love to hear your opinion!

For a nymphomaniac, none of these statements is valid. See how many orgasms she can have!

Signs you are a badass!

So, your boyfriend complains about you being a badass lately, but you have a completely different perspective of your behavior? Read these behavior-based questions, and see if you really are a badass!

Do you tell him to go fuck himself, when he pisses you off? Then, you are a badass!

You like hanging around in malls with your friends, without inviting your boyfriend, but you get upset if he does the same thing? Then, you are certainly a badass!

You say you want to go on a date with him, but at the last moment, you turn him down, under the excuse of being sick? Oh, you're such a badass!

After a serious fight, would you punch him, and throw away the flowers he offers you to make up? Then, you must be a bad ass!

You say you forgive him, but you never forget, and you always brings it what he did wrong into discussion? You are a bad ass!

Do you control his phone each time he is at the bathroom, but you take yours with you when you go to the bathroom, thinking that he might do the same thing? Then, you are a bad ass!

Do you think he is cute, only when he gives you jewelries and other expensive gifts? Uh, you are badass!

Whenever he visits his family, you become a drama queen and complain about putting you on the second place in his life, although he spends most of his time with you? What a badass!

And, would you really cheat on your boyfriend with the first guy who crosses your mind, in revenge for him cheating on you? Well, all this proves you are a badass!

Find out what women want!

Let go of the past, to embrace the future!

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”  - Steve Maraboli

What parents say when you break up

I said I am ok, mom! Life goes on.

You do not have to pretend you are strong. I am your mother and I know you suffer right now.

I don't! Everyone breaks up nowadays, even you and dad did, when I was little...

Yes, but we do not set a good example. John and you love each other, sweetheart...

LOVED, at past tense...

Why don't you give him another chance?

You know what mom? I already gave him too many chances, and he ruined each one of them. I hate him, ok? I hate him!, she says bursting into tears.

Why do we have to suffer?

People will always hurt other people and get hurt. It is in the human nature. Disappointment in a relationship hit us all, at one time. Why? Well, mainly because people tend to have great expectation when they fall in love.

He is the one! I know it, I feel it!

He/she will never make me suffer... There he did it. All men/women are the same!

One of the biggest mistake people make, when they get hurt, is generalizing; stating that all of them are the same! The truth is that people are different. This is exactly the cause of most misunderstandings and relationships failures. The more partners share common interests, the better their relationship will turn. Differences can only lead to disagreements.

I am strong enough! Today, I'll let you go!

The conclusion: You cannot fully embrace the future, unless you let go of the past first!

"Going back to your ex is like reading a book you have already read. The outcome will always be the same" - Matthew Donnell

Are you that somebody?

Everybody defines LOVE differently. For some, love is like a thunder that strikes you hard and leaves you breathless. For others, love is like the warm summer rain caressing your skin.

Love can take you high in only one second, and just as quickly, it can put you down. Overall, love is a complex feeling. Here is my top 5 of the most inspirational quotes about love.

1.      Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable - Bruce Lee

2.      Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners.  Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford - but you'll take him anyway - Judith Viorst

3.      When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks - Natalie Clifford Barney

4.      Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy - Robert A. Heinlein

5.      Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time - Maya Angelou

Look at me! I am yours!

My mind is set on only one thing

Sex, an innocent pleasure, is everything

For me; I was put in jail, I was highly criticized

By old people! By youngsters, I was idolized

But only I know what I feel,

When a cutie boy passes by,

How my clitoris begins to tingle

And my blood pressure gets high

Men or women, everyone is an occasion

That cannot be missed, they need to be kissed

I must have them all, I must feel their touch

Kissing without sex? No, now that's too much!

A sex-addicted person is not to be laughed at

Just hear my confessions, and try to understand

That life is cruel, please unveil the veil

That does not let you see, how it is to be

A nymphomaniac

Open your eyes wide, and take care of your kids

Cause they can also be haunted, by these crazy chicks

Don't be hard on them, for you can never know

When you wake up like'm and addictions starts to show

Joanna is a predator, but also a sick victim

Cocks are her favorite toys, she had licked'm

All, just to try their flavor and to feel their smell

Okay, now get in! she then commanded them.

This time, she really messed up! Joanna is about to be caught by her mom, while getting some!

See what she thinks about silent risky sex!

Honey, should we hire a maid?

Carla and her husband had two jobs each, so they decided to hire an in-live maid to help them out with the cleaning.

Once she got hired, Tiara did her best and helped them with everything they needed. Both Carla and her husband were really satisfied with her work.

A couple of months after, the maid came to Carla crying, saying she has to quit.

'NO! Why??', Carla replied upset.

'I am pregnant. I don't want this baby', she replies still crying.

'Look, my husband and I don't have children. If you decide to stay, we will adopt it'

The house cleaner accepts her offer, and things go back to normal. A couple of months after the birth, the maid comes to Carla crying.

'I am sorry, I must quit'

'What? But why?', she asked.

'I am pregnant...again'

Carla and her husband did not want to lose her, so they decide to adopt this baby too. However, an year after, the maid is pregnant again.

'I should really leave this time. I feel so bad'

'No, look. We already adopted two children. We will adopt this one too'

A trustful, good-working maid is so hard to find nowadays, the couple said to themselves.

But only a couple of weeks later, the maid came to Carla again.

'Okay, I will definitely leave this time!!!'

'Don't tell me you are pregnant again?!', Carla says.

'No, but there are too many babies in the house to pick up after!'

My question for you is:

Would you hire a maid who looks like this? 

I'd love to hear both girls' and boys' opinion.

Have you ever wondered what men want in bed? This article may give you a clue!

Let Your Rainbow Shine

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved" – Helen Keller

Did you know that every time you drop a tear, a flower fades?

Did you know that every second you spend upset, is a lost second of happiness that will never come back?

Did you know that someone who makes you cry does not deserve your tears?

Did you know that the night is the best counselor?

Did you know that there is no rain, but only teardrops?

Did you know that every time you unlock your inner happiness, a glorious rainbow appears?

And did you know that somewhere over the rainbow, there is another rainbow?

LET YOUR RAINBOW SHINE!

Stand up for happiness!

Life is not easy, and it will never be. But don't lose your hope! Look for the things that make it more beautiful!

Better late than never!

Gerry lays down on his deathbed.

The scent of death becomes more obvious by the second.

Samantha, his wife, sits at the edge of the bed, and looks at him with compassion, as he takes his last breath.

As he sees his kind wife sitting next to him, in his last minutes of life, Gerry decides to make a confession.

'Samantha, I am not who you think I am. 

All the times when I told you I was at business meetings, I was having sex with different whores...

I have cheated on you; not once, but hundreds of time!

Every time you visited your sister, I brought our neighbor home and had sex with her.

I had sex with the secretary, with the lady at the store, with your friend, and even with your mother'

Samantha caresses his forehead and says:

'I have a confession to make too.

Today, I went to the pharmacist and asked him for cyanide. He asked me why, and I said because I wanted to kill you.

The pharmacist said "Are you crazy? How can you kill your husband? I cannot sell cyanide, it is against the law!"

Then, I took out a picture of you, having sex with his wife.

"Well now", he replied, "you did not tell me you had a prescription"

Sweet dreams, my love!'

You can read other interesting confessions here.

Don't play with my nerves!

Did anyone tell you not to make your man angry? Well, this is an unwritten rule that every woman should take into account, because you can never know when the increased level of testosterone affects men's rational thinking.

Honeymoon is the best example of period when men should not be pissed off. Although it is supposed to represent the most magical moments in a couple's life, things never go as planned.

This is how the story begins. After getting married, Renee and Freddie went to Italy for their honeymoon. Unfortunately, the hotel seen online was nothing similar to what they found once they got there.

Freddie paid a huge amount of money for a room in what seemed to be a nice, clean, modern hotel in Milano. However, what they found was beyond imagination.

This is not the hotel we saw online, he says. We want our money back. I want to see the owner of this hotel.

I am the owner. And I am sorry, but we do not give refunds. This is the key to your room.

The owner of the hotel was also the receptionist, because he was avaricious and he wanted to save all the money. Freddie has no choice but to take the key.

THAT'S ONE!, he yells angry.

One they arrive upstairs, they start unpacking. Freddie tries to explain to his wife that he cannot afford another hotel and they have to remain there.

No! You promised me we would have a beautiful honeymoon! Take me somewhere else!

As she yells at her husband, Renee feels a huge bug crawling on her neck. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Renee has an insect phobia and almost has a heart attack when she feels the bug crawling on her skin.

THAT'S TWO!!!, Freddie yells, trying to sooth his wife.

Once Freddie promises his wife that he will try to find another hotel the next day, they try to get some sleep. It has been an exhausting day for both of them, and all they want is a peaceful sleep.

But the run of bad luck does not stop here. As soon as they sit down on the bed, the bed breaks and so is a piece of ceiling, which almost kills them.

THAT'S THREE!!!

Freddie takes out a handgun and shoots the owner of the hotel.

What did you do? You are a murderer!!! How could you do that?!, his wife yells.

THAT'S ONE!

It's hard tobe a woman, but it is better than being a man! Read an interesting interviewwith Carolina, a famous Inverness escort.

A big tool can fix any clogged pipe!

It is so very hot outside

Please cool down this heat

This passion I have inside

I only wear my precious gown

With nothing underneath

My soul craves some love

My body just craves action

I lie in bed and look above

Thinking about a way of distraction

And now I have the answer!

It is gonna be OK

I say to myself. You will see

The plumber will come right away

With a big tool, to fix your drain

To rub you gently and save you from the pain!

Inspired from the latest chapter of 'THE CONFESSIONS OF A NYMPHOMANIAC'. 

This time, Joanna went for the classic way of finding fast a sex-mate.

Honey, I slipped into your friend's pussy!

One day, my girlfriend came here with one of her friends, a hot curvy brunette. They wanted to go together to the mall, so my girlfriend went to take a shower.

Meanwhile, I could not fail to notice her friend's huge boobs, popping out her white dress. She was wearing no bra.

I got really embarrassed when she caught my eye, but she did not get angry or something. She  started laughing, instead.

'Why were you looking at my tits', she asked me directly.

I was really disarmed by her directness, but I decided to give her an honest answer. 'You have playful boobs, that's why'

'Would you like to play with them?', she asked, giving me a free view of her tits.

Only hearing her naughty proposal made my cock harden. The sinful thought of fucking my girlfriend's friend, with her just a few steps away, turned me on more than ever!

I could not resist the temptation, so I headed towards the blonde, like a bull in heat, turned her with the back on me, lifted her short skirt and let my dick do its job!

I grabbed her tits and fucked her from behind. She began moaning loudly, so I covered her mouth with one of my fingers, that she sucked and licked like a porn bitch.

She was so different from my girlfriend! I loved my girlfriend and did not want to risk our relationship, but she was so damn sexy that I could simply not resist.

I kept fucking her, until my sperm spread all over her buttocks!

Unfortunately, we were both so turned on that we did not hear the door opening. My girlfriend was shocked, seeing me behind her friend, with my arms wrapped around her stomach.

'What the fuck are you doing?!' she yelled.

'Honey...she was choking and I tried to help her squeeze it out!'

'And why is your cock popping out?'

'Well, when I rushed to help her, I stepped on my pants sleeves, and my cock simply popped up!'

'Ah, ok! I was getting ready for some threesome fun, but that's fine!'

Conclusions? Sometimes, the truth is better than a lie, or simply: make sure you won't be caught, when you fuck your girlfriend's friend next time. This experience reminded me of a hilarious story, one of my friends told me a week ago.

A child enters the bathroom, while his mom takes a shower.

'Mom what's that?', he asks, pointing at her hairy pussy.

'That is my sponge', she replies embarrassed.

'Oh, cool! Our nanny has a sponge too! She uses it to wash Dad's face!'

You can read an awe-inspiring interview with an Aberdeen escort here.

Put your love inside of me!

I do not want jewelries! I want love! What use having fancy dresses, gold and diamonds, if I do not have love?

People who spend their life running after money are so fools...

·         What does money do for you, when you wake up in the morning and the only thing you can hug is a cold pillow?

·         What does money do for you, when illness strikes so bad that not even doctors can heal you?

·         How does money buy happiness, when your soul is empty and incomplete?

·         Can money really make you a better person?

'I have everything, just because I have you! Your love gives me enough reasons to stay alive and fight anyone who tries to tear us apart'

'My love, did I ever tell you that you are the most beautiful girl in the world?'

'No, but you make me feel this way every single day!'

'Tonight I will make you mine!'

'I want to feel your love inside of me....Take me high, tonight!'

'Your touch makes my world go round!'

'Don't stop, put all your love inside of me!'