A joke without punch-line

Seeing him so satisfied about his life makes me feel even more miserable.

My entire life, starting with my job, is a lame movie, and I am the worst protagonist.

'Henri'

'Yes, honey'

'Don't you ever get sick of your life, wishing you were someone else, in some other place, maybe with some other people?'

He looks at me both confused and disappointed. Of course he does not understand me, because he has a nice job - engineer, earns good money and he is fully respected by the people he works with.

And who am I? An insignificant salesperson, trying to convince people to buy products they don't even need, in order to satisfy my own needs.

'Are you telling me that you are unsatisfied with our life?'

'With my life, not our life. You already have everything you've ever wanted'

'All I ever wanted was you, and I am happy because I have you. I thought you wanted the same thing'

I turn my back on him, as he does not seem to understand me. Life is not only about love or relationships. The biggest frustrations usually appear in the professional life. I feel bad for envying my own husband, but this feeling is too strong to be denied.

'I don't want that...I want more!'

'A careful husband and a great child are not enough for you?'

'No, I want a great career, just like yours! I want to meet new people, to sign documents and to drink coffee with my coworkers!'

Henri looks down and starts packing his stuff. 'What on hell are you doing?'

'Giving you a chance to achieve what you want'

Seeing him and my child leave, makes me even more frustrated and confused. Am I a bad person for wanting more? Maybe not, but I simply cannot be thankful for small mercies.

Oh, God, what have I just done? The two persons I love are gone, because of me. Cold teardrops fall on my cheeks. My life turned into a joke with no punch line....

"You can't truly appreciate something, until it's gone"